Last months of Aganeta Dirks

Last Months of Aganeta Dirks

This account was written by Maria Dirks in 1911 as a tribute to her mother, Aganeta Dirks (nee Schroeder). It was translated from German by Dr. Irene Hedlin. Maria Dirks would have been 34 years old.

Maria had recorded this account in a small notebook and brought it with her when she came to Canada in 1947 to live with her sister Margaret Klassen in New Hamburg, Ontario.

Heinrich and Aganeta Dirks went out as missionaries to Sumatra, Dutch East Indies (Indonesia) in the fall of 1869. In 1881, they returned home to Gnadenfeld, Molotschna Mennonite settlement, located about 30 miles north of the Sea of Azov, an arm of the Black Sea, South Russia. (In 2023, this area is a battleground between Ukraine and Russia). Heinrich was called to be the leading minister of the Gnadenfeld Church.

Heinrich and Aganeta had nine childrenL Elizabeth Elektra, born in 1870 on the sailing ship to Sumatra, Heinrich (1872, Evangelihne (1873), David (1874, Maria (1877), Margaret (1878) (the one who married my great grandfather), Anna (1880), Hans (1884) and Herman (1885).

At the time of writing (1911), only Maria and Heinrich Jr. still lived with their parents. Maria did not get married but stayed home to care for her elderly parents. Her older brother, Heinrich Jr., who had studied theology in the Missionary School in Barmen, Germany from 1890-93 was ordained in the Gnadenfeld church and became his father’s assistant. He, too, was single.

Their oldest daughter Elisabeth married Gustav Aron Rempel, a teacher. In the year 1911, their children were Agneta (1891), Anna (1893-1904), Heinrich (1895), Evangeline (1898), Margaret (1900). In 1906, Gustav became the manager of the agricultural estate Marinskaya, situated about 120 miles northeast of Gnadenfeld. It belonged to Heinrich Klassen, his brother-in-law (and my great grandfather).

I will try to write about Mother’s illness and death and her funeral. I want to have it down on paper, in case I forget some of the details with the passing of time.

In the winter of 1908, during Christmas and New Year, Mother lay in bed with influenza. She was very sick. She recovered, but never regained full health.She often got tired when she worked, whereas before her illness she was indefatigable.She often remarked she could not do as much as she used to. When she exerted herself, even a little, her heart would start pounding and her breathing became labored. Often a bothersome rash appeared in connection with her breathing difficulties. In spite of this, she worked as hard as she possibly could. She sewed, mended and knitted a lot. All her life, Mother had rarely needed a doctor. She did not think much of taking medicine.

In the spring of 1910, she decided to go to Halbstadt to see Dr. Tavonius, since Dr. Poskalov  was away on holidays. So our parents drove off, first to see Dr. Tavonius and then continued on by train to Bachmut Mennonite settlement, where mission festivals, at which Father had to speak, were taking place.

Dr. Tavonius examined Mother and said she had a weak heart and her other ailments stemmed from this. He prescribed digitalis, five drops four times a day. When she had trouble breathing, she was to take camphor in sherry, one teaspoon every hour. He also gave her a liquid to rub on her skin when the rash appeared. This was in May 1910.

Now Mother started to take her medicine. And amazingly, after she had taken digitalis for three days, she felt much better and this continued until shortly before Christmas.

One night, she had a very severe asthma attack. She sprang out of bed, since she could not get enough air and ran into the living room. She woke me and told me that she must surely die. I went to wake my brother (Father was away). Neither of us knew what to do. Mother was in agony; it seemed she would not survive. Relief finally came at 3:30 am. She fell asleep and slept soundly until noon as if she had never had an attack.

From then on, Mother had many sleepless nights and severe asthma attacks. Oh how our dear Mother suffered! We hoped that Mother’s condition would improve when spring came. However, spring came and instead of getting better our dear mother got worse. She had lost much weight during the winter and then, when the weather became milder and warmer, she did not get stronger, but rather lost more and more weight. She suffered from shortness of breath almost all the time. Even until late into the night, she would often sit and sleep outdoors in her chair. However, I was amazed and still am at how soundly Mother could sleep sometimes and could breathe as easily as if she had never suffered from shortness of breath. Surely God gave her these periods of rest now and then. Otherwise, she would simply not have been able to endure.

On May 24, 1911, Mother again suffered a severe asthma attack. Father was not at home. He was attending the wedding of Heinrich Klassen (my grandpa). I was sitting beside Mother trying to help her in some way. She was having a hard time. I could not help her, but I could pray for her and that is what I did. When Father came home, I said to him , and Heinrich agreed, that from now on he should not make any more trips when Mother is so sick. He did not go away again.

May 29 was Pentecost. Mother was so much better that she enjoyed talking to visitors. She talked animatedly with Pastor Deringer who had come from Stuttgart, Germany, to attend the mission festival, and with old Uncle Penner, who had come to visit her. The latter prayed for her and said again and again that she will surely get well again.  But this did not happen, at least not here on earth. In heaven, where she is now, she is well and free from all suffering.

On Pentecost Monday, the church choir that had sung at the mission festival, came to sing for her. It made Mother very happy. But had the conversations with the guests, in fact everything connected with the celebration of Pentecost, been too much for her? Breathing became very difficult for her. This time, it lasted three days and three nights. Mother almost despaired. She walked from one spot to another, yes, even as far as the stable, and at night she walked from room to room and still could not find enough air, although doors and windows had been opened. Mother moaned, groaned and cried out, but to no avail. It was heart-rending for Father and us children to have to watch and hear her, but our poor mother could not escape this very trying ordeal. O how she suffered! Often she would say, “Pray, that God would make it so that sleep and shortness of breath would not occur at the same time”. Yes, she had to struggle with sleep while at the same time try to get enough air. Countless times, at night, she would fall asleep and wake up immediately. She had no rest.

On Thursday afternoon, June 2, she asked for the doctor. Dr. Poskalov had just returned from his holidays. He was called. Mother asked him to give her something that would help her to sleep. She received a small dose of morphine and , afterwards, an injection of camphor oil. She also got adonis vernalis, a diuretic, of which she had to take a tablespoon every two hours, because her feet had become very swollen. And Mother, who had had no use for medicine, now took everything in the hope that she would find relief.

The night that followed was terrible. Mother was very very sick, she was even delirious. It was as if nothing helped. How we all prayed and it seemed as if that did not help either. But it only seemed that way, for afterwards Mother often said that those difficult days and hours did turn out to be a blessing for her.

Towards morning, Mother fell asleep at last after she had not been able to sleep for three days and three nights. This was on June 3, the Friday after Pentecost. She slept through the whole day Friday and through the night until Saturday afternoon . Then, she felt so much stronger that she could walk around again.

On Saturday evening, when Aunt Janzen (Agnaneta’s sister Katherina) arrived from Orechov, she found Mother in a cheerful mood. Yes, we were so happy that Mother was better and still hoped that the Lord would heal her.

Sunday, June 5, we took holy communion together as a family in our living room. Father distributed the elements. It was a blessed time.

The asthma attacks recurred frequently, but after the camphor oil injections, which were supposed to improve the action of the heart, she always felt so much better that she was able to catch up on lost sleep. The night of June 24-25, Saturday to Sunday, she probably had her severest attack. She fought for air and didn’t know what to do. She threw herself on the floor and moaned and groaned. “Pray, pray”, she said again and again, “but not for health, but rather that I could die”. And we all did think that she would surely die, for her feet and hands were ice-cold. But these difficult hours also passed. In the morning, she fell asleep and slept and slept. She slept so long that my sister Anna, who was visiting with their children, remarked that perhaps it was not good for Mother to sleep so long.

When she got up on Monday, she went to sit in the arbor. After sitting there for a while, she wanted to sleep again. She couldn't get up from the bench alone, her limbs felt so heavy. I helped her up and led her inside the house. She said to me as we were walking, “I do feel that I am becoming weaker all the time and everything hurts. My feet hurt so much”.

On Tuesday she slept again, almost without interruption until Wednesday noon. When she awoke she was hungry, for she had eaten little in the last few days. I brought her a bowl of cream of wheat with milk, for she was supposed to avoid meat because of her weak kidneys. I also brought her a potato with some butter. After she had eaten, I asked her how she liked it. She said, “It was very good. Now I want to sleep again.” She lay down. I went to the kitchen. Several times, I went to check on Mother. She was sleeping soundly.

Suddenly Heinrich came into the kitchen calling me. He said something must have happened to Mother, for she was sitting on the bench and talking in a confused way. I went to her right away and saw that our dear mother appeared changed. Her eyes looked so different. Her mouth was crooked on her left side. She spoke to me but I did not understand what she was saying because her voice had a different sound, very deep and unintelligible. But if I stood beside her and listened very carefully, I could understand what she was saying.

Mother had had a stroke. The left side of her face and throat, her left arm and left leg had become numb. She could not eat, only drink, and even that was not good, because swallowing was almost impossible.

But her mind had not suffered, she was fully conscious. I didn't quite know how to tell her that something had happened to her. I was afraid it would upset her. So I asked her, “Mother, why is your mouth crooked?”. She replied, “Is my mouth crooked?” Thereupon she asked for a mirror with which she looked at herself closely. Then she said, “You know, I’ve had a stroke”. She remained completely calm. I called my brother Herman from the attic room, where he was sleeping, while Heinrich went to get the doctor.

Meanwhile Salomon and Anna Ediger, who were visiting Brauns and who had been sent for, arrived. Father and we children all stood sadly weeping beside her while she spoke to us. It was so moving listening to her as she spoke, since her voice had changed so much. Father could understand nothing of what she said. I stood very close beside her and could understand what she was saying quite well.

She was thinking of all her children and asked us to write down what she was saying. She sent greetings to all of them. She had a special message for my brother Hans, that he should not neglect to enter that rest, that is promised the people of God (Matthew 4:9) and that he should encourage his wife, Warya, to do the same. She said, “I wanted to tell him myself as we said goodbye a few days ago, but I had to cry so much that I couldn’t and now you tell him”. I promised and, when Hans came again, I did so. Then she asked us to give greetings at her funeral to all the people of Gnadenfeld, all who had loved her and also those who had not liked her.

She said other things that I could not make out. Then she asked us to sing the song, “Good Shepherd, will you not have mercy on your lamb?” It is No. 100 in the Mennonite Hymnbook. When we came to the third stanza, Mother started to sing along. It was a mumble and Father, Anna and I could hardly go on singing, it was so sad.

Heinrich was back, but without the doctor, who had been called to Chernigovka. He could only come at sundown. We had treated Mother according to the medical Handbook, namely, that we should have her lie with her head high and her feet low. Also, we rubbed the paralyzed side, arm and leg. Often Mother would ask, 'Where is my left hand?’ When I showed it to her, she could hardly believe it. ‘This is my left hand?’ she would ask. “It is so red and swollen.” And it was so. Her whole left arm was swollen, also her feet and body.

The doctor came in the evening. He confirmed that Mother had had a stroke. He found our treatment correct, but in addition he ordered cold compresses on the head and a laxative. And we were to continue rubbing the paralyzed limbs with rubbing alcohol containing formic acid.

Telegrams were sent to the children far away. For the night we brought Mother into the guest room, which we had emptied out, because the corner room was too small. Hewinrich and Herman sat at Mother’s bedside at night. Yes, our dear mother was very sick. The stroke had made her completely helpless. Thus June 24 was primarily for Mother, but also for us, a sad day. We were shown how weak and helpless a human being is. In a few moments so much had happened.

The next day, we moved Mother into the living room that became her sick room. It was larger than the other rooms and Mother had more air. Moreover, Father hired Sara Janzen. I could not be at Mother’s side all the time, because I had to do a lot of housework. Up to now, Mother had been dressing, washing and combing herself in spite of her illness. Now she could not do anything. How sad that was! Difficult days followed.

My sister, Margaret Klassen and her husband and Hans came and helped care for Mother. She ate nothing and only drank a lot of water. Sometimes, it was mixed with strawberry juice. Because Mother had such a hard time swallowing, half of it usually ran into the saucer that was held underneath. Her feet and left arm were still so swollen that we had to cut open the sleeve of her night jacket. Her back was also swollen.

Dr. Tavonius of Halbstadt was called. He and our Dr. Poskalov conferred together. They said that Mother’s condition was very serious and it was doubtful if she would survive. A second stroke would probably lead to her death. Since this could happen, it would be better if she were not taken to the hospital in Muntau, but remained at home. Thus Mother stayed home and was cared for by us children and nurse Sara Janzen. On the second night Mrs. Braun, who had offered to help, was also there.

Mother still talked a lot. Sometimes it sounded incoherent to us. However, later she always knew exactly what she said. She said once, “Mariechen, do tell me the great secret that Hans, Herman and Sara Janzen have together. They don’t want to tell me”. I answered that they had no secret. She replied, “Yes, they think that I will die and don’t want to tell me that.” Then she said again, “The things that I see! Father would be amazed if he knew all the things I see.” At our request to tell us what she saw, she said she would tell us later. But later she only said, “Yes, I became aware how great God is.”

For approximately a week, perhaps a little longer, Mother was so sick that we were always thinking of her death. But then she started to improve. The medicine that the doctor had prescribed helped. The swelling on her back, her left arm and her feet disappeared almost completely. When the swelling was gone, Sara Janzen started electrotherapy on the paralyzed limbs, so that movement and feeling would return. Her leg had already improved without it. Mother could walk a few steps when we supported her. Once daily her arm and face were stimulated with a mild electric current to make the muscles contract, thus strengthening them and increasing the blood flow. As a result, her mouth became completely straight again.

Mother was able to swallow easily again and she could enjoy ordinary food once more. Her natural voice returned, and wonder of wonders, her asthma attacks disappeared. Mother often remarked that God had answered her prayer by taking away her breathing problems. Though weak and helpless from the stroke, she nevertheless found breathing much easier.

How happy all of us were and we hoped that Mother would become well again. Mother sensed our joy. She, too, started to be happy. She didn’t exactly say it, but we all noticed it. Sometimes, she would say that when she was well again, she would do this and that, mend and fix up Father’s clothes and knit socks for Father and my brothers and do other things.

Unfortunately, her left hand had improved very slowly. Though feeling returned in her hand, she could not use it. She couldn’t grasp or hold anything. This made her feel sad. Often she said, “Even if I do get well but cannot use my left hand, what shall I do? I won’t be able to do anything.” I replied once that we didn’t want her to work. She should just get well so that we would have her to love.

One day Mother said, “Yes, it seems as if I am getting better, but maybe it just seems that way.” The thought of dying did not leave her. In fact, she talked about it a lot. She was aware that a second stroke could occur and cause her death.

One month after the stroke, Mother had recovered so much that she could walk around on her own. She also had a good appetite.

July 31 was the wedding day of Anna and Aaron Rempel. Anna urged Mother to come to the wedding ceremony in the church since the young Klassens had arrived in their car and could easily take Mother along.

When Mother was ready, she looked almost the way she did in healthier days when she went to church. When we arrived, we led her straight to the minister’s little room, from which she could observe the wedding ceremony. It did excite her to be in the church again after such a long time. She started to cry. Sara Janzen asked her not to get upset, to which she responded that she could not help it, she had to cry. Everything went well. Who would have thought then that this would be her last time in church!

Since Mother’s health was improving, Klassens and my brother, Heinrich, went to Evpatoria, a health spa in Crimea, to bathe in the waters there that were good for rheumatism. Mother herself had encouraged Heinrich to go.

Two days before Anna’s wedding, Mother was not feeling well again. Sometimes she would say, “I feel that I will get an asthma attack again.” One day she said, “Yes, yes, everyone thinks I am getting better, but what I feel here (pointing to her chest), no one knows.”

But she did not suffer much from shortness of breath until August 13. The day was hot and sultry. In the morning, Mother said that she had a hard time breathing. All day she sat in the arbor or by the front door. In the afternoon, Papkes came from Hirschau to visit her. Mother talked with them, but you could see that she was not feeling well. Meanwhile, a thunderstorm was brewing. Papkes left to reach their home before the rain came. Mother was concerned about them, because a severe storm was blowing. Lightning must have struck a few times because the thunderclaps were very loud. All these things upset Mother. She sat in the living room and couldn’t get enough air. From then on she had asthma attacks every night, though she was better during the day. She lost her appetite and didn’t eat much.

On August 7 (Father’s birthday), Klassens came over having returned from Evpatoria. Mother was quite sick. On Friday, August 19 was the funeral of Johan Penner, who had died of cancer. Mother said I should go, since Sara Janzen would stay with her. I did go to the funeral. When I came back, Mother said that she was having a hard time. I sat beside her and told her about the funeral. She said that soon we would be burying her too. She added that when that time came, there would be no room for the people who would be coming to the funeral. She said to me, “O child, how are you going to cope with everything?” Another time she said, “Don’t let Father’s clothes look sloppy when I’m gone.” All these statements show how much she thought of dying. However, we did not want to believe it and were still hoping she would get well.

It was so beautiful that she did not fear death. One day she asked me if I thought she would die soon. I replied that I didn't know this. God alone knows it. He would do what’s best. Then I asked her directly, “Mother, but if you should die, you are not afraid, are you?” She said, “Noo, I am not afraid. After all, I know that the Savior died for me and that I have been redeemed.”

On August 23, we received a letter from David (missionary in Sumatra). I read it aloud to Mother. She listened with great interest and said she too wanted to write David and Maria soon. She added that she wished them a happy, harmonious life together.

From August 23-25, the national Mennonite conference was to be held in Berdyansk, at which Father was to deliver the key-note address. He and Heinrich wanted to leave on the morning of the 23rd. Mother begged him to stay home. “You don’t want me to die alone, do you?” And she was very sick, but she was more acutely aware of it than we were. Father stayed home. Mother started to complain of pain in her left side. She also said that her hands and feet, especially her left hand, hurt. This hand had improved so much in the last month that she could move it, but she could not use it.

On August 24, Margaret Klassen and the young wife (my grandmother, Susanna) of her step-son (my grandpa) came for a visit. Mother was not feeling well at all, she was so restless. She sat on the sofa and groaned. Margaret went on to Konteniusfeld and the young Mrs. Klassen, Sara Janzen and I sat with Mother. We were talking together but Mother showed no interest. After we had had coffee, Margaret who had returned and young Mrs. Klassen got ready to leave for Reimerhof.

Herman, who for the last three weeks when Heinrich was in Evpatoria had sat at Mother’s beside every night until 4 a.m., wanted to go back with Margaret to catch up on some of his work and to rest. He came over to Mother and asked her if he could go along. Mother said he was certainly welcome to go, but he should not forget that perhaps he was seeing her for the last time. Herman replied that surely she would not die so soon. He said goodbye to Mother and went to Reimerhof for a few days. And it was true, he did not see Mother alive again.

After they had left, Sara Janzen went home for a while. Father was sitting with several men outside by the front door. I was alone with Mother. I was sitting at a little table, looking at pictures in a newly arrived Ladies Home Journal. Mother said to me, “You must not read now, I am having such a hard time.” I put the magazine down and sat beside her.

She said she was not feeling well at all and her limbs were hurting, exactly as it had been before her first stroke. In the evening, her breathing became labored. She said she didn’t understand what the pressure in her chest and the feeling of fullness in her throat meant. Moreover, the water retention increased, for her back was swollen. I wonder if the swelling did not reach her heart thus causing her death?

At night, she could not sleep because her distress was so great. I went to bed because Sara was with her. I could hear her groaning. O how sad it all was! At 1 a.m. Sara came to tell me that Mother was asking for me. I got up and went to her. In answer to my questions if she had slept, she said that she had not been able to sleep. Since I was with Mother, Sara went to bed and was soon sleeping soundly. From Father’s room, we could hear him snoring. Mother said, “Everyone can sleep, only I can’t.” As soon as she fell asleep, she didn’t have enough air, so that she would rather not have fallen asleep at all.

I tried to comfort her, saying that she should cling to the Savior, and should remember that He had suffered so much for us in Gethsemane and on Golgotha. “ Perhaps it will be easier for you if you think about that.” She answered that she was doing this a lot but still could not find relief.

Once she said, “Why is it? Father has prayed for me so fervently, Heinrich has prayed in faith, we are all praying and yet God does not answer?” I replied that perhaps God considers it better not to answer us just yet. He may want to test us whether we will cling to Him in faith even when He does not answer the way we expect Him to. When the right time has come, He will surely help.

Then I sang her a hymn and she tried to sing too. When I had finished, she asked me to pray. I did so, asking the Lord to come near to us, especially my dear mother, that He would grant her rest and comfort her in her suffering and give her strength to bear it. After that Mother prayed something like this, “O Lord, please come near to me, come close to me. Help me to bear the load that you have given me to carry, so that I do not always groan. Bless everyone and save them, Amen.”

It was as if mother became calmer after that. She let me lead her to bed (she had been sitting in the rocking chair). She sat on the bed for a little while and talked to me. She said that when she is dead, I should see to it that the grandchildren all got a little souvenir from her, for they all loved their grandmother. She said specifically, “Rempel’s Agneta in Ebenfeld should get her hair brooch. Ediger’s Agnes, the white rose. Rempel’s Agneta (Elisabeht’s daughter) has already received the scissors and the little glass pitcher so she should not get much more. There is the mother-of-pearl brooch, which I once received from David, the twin pansies''. She was quiet for a moment, then she added, “Don’t quarrel over my possessions. I don’t have much.” If I remember correctly, she also said, “Do you think I do not long to see Paula and Lydia, too?”

At 3 a.m., she sent me to get Heinrich, so that he could be with her the remaining hours until morning and I could get some sleep. All this happened in the night from August 24-25, 1911, Mother’s second last night.

August 25 went well. Though Mother felt ill, she did not complain or groan. She exercised fortitude in bearing her pain. Towards evening, when her breathing became labored again, she said to Sara Janzen and me, “If this continues, I will have a difficult sick-bed. You will have to get additional help, for you will not be able to do it all yourself.”

The night was difficult. First Sara Janzen was with Mother, who was very restless. She could not lie still or sit for five minutes. She felt chilled, her feet were also very cold. At 1 a.m., I was with Mother. She gave me a hug and said, “Mariechen, dear dear Mariechen.” Then she prayed, “Dear Savior, please help me! I just can’t go on this way. I can’t stand it anymore. Please take me soon!”

I did not know how to help Mother. I asked her if I should sing her some hymns. She agreed because she always enjoyed it very much when people sang. I sang them as well as I could from the hymnal “Gospel Songs”. Because she felt it was a sin for her to groan and not be quiet, I first sang the hymn, “When my sins burdened me”. Then I sang “Rock of Ages”, “At the cross”, “I know of a stream”, and “I need thee every hour”. I have already forgotten which other songs I sang, one after the other in a quiet voice, sitting on a chair beside her bed. She was sitting in bed and it seemed to me she looked more calm.

After I had sung for a long time, she said to me, “How can you sing! I enjoy it so much and the beautiful spiritual songs comfort me. I am so restless and so sick, and you are able to sit quietly beside me and sing and sing. You have surely received strength from above.” O how happy I am now, that I gave my mother this pleasure the last night of her life. Had I known that these were her last hours, I would not have left her bedside, but would have remained beside her to the end.

At 3 a.m, Mother sent me to wake Heinrich, so that he could spend the rest of the night with her and I could get some rest. I did so. Heinrich came and I lay down to sleep. I soon fell asleep. I was probably tired even if I hadn’t really been aware of it. In the morning, I woke up refreshed, but our dear mother again had not slept a wink and therefore felt weak. Nevertheless, she wanted to get up early.

Sara and I helped her wash, comb her hair and dress. Then I brewed her some coffee made of roasted barley (she didn’t drink the real coffee anymore, she couldn’t stand the smell of it) and she had breakfast. She asked me to tidy up the living room, which was her sick room, for she thought that visitors from the national Mennonite conference might come. I did so.

While I was airing the room and putting things in order, Mother walked from one room to another, now sitting down for a little while, now going to the window and looking out. She was very restless. She said that she had a prickly and tingling feeling through her whole body, even more than at night. That is why she couldn't sit or lie still. Several times she said, “Today, I will probably die.” 

Mrs. Bartel came to visit her. Mother told her this and added, “I pray that all of you will be converted, so that you will all go to Heaven one day.”

When I had finished tidying up the living room and making Mother’s bed, she wanted to sleep. Sara and I helped her to her bed and that is when I noticed the swelling on her back. I knew then that she was swollen inside too. It made me sad, but I pushed aside the thought of death. We didn't want to believe that Mother would be leaving us.

She said that she wanted to lie down a bit, maybe she would be able to sleep and we shouldn't disturb her. This was approximately at 10:30 or 11:00 a.m.

Before she could lie down the missionary Johann Fast came. He talked with Mother and prayed with her. Mother replied to his question, if the window of heaven was always open, “Yes, if I didn't have Jesus, then I would not know what to do in my suffering. I find my comfort and strength in Him.”

I went to the kitchen to bake Rollkuchen (crullers). Sara stayed with Mother. Heinrich was still sleeping since he had gone to bed at 9 a.m. Sara told me later that Mother had not been able to lie in bed for long. She had raised herself up and had asked now for Father and now for Heinrich (Father had accompanied Johann Fast to Heinrich Retzlaffs). She kept asking, “Has Father not come back yet?” When she got “no” for an answer once again, she exclaimed, “O, I am so alone!” Then she got up from her bed, kneeled at a chair and prayed.

Sara had told me that Mother wanted something to eat because she felt cold. She wanted Eiermouse, a dish made of milk, eggs and flour. I had just finished making it, when Sara called me. I served it up on a plate and brought it in. When I entered it was a few minutes before 12 noon. Mother was still kneeling. When I came to her, she wanted to get up, but she could not do so by herself. We helped her and wanted to lead her to the little table at which she always ate. She said, “O don’t bother. It is not necessary anymore.”

We let her sit on her bed, and her feet still on the floor. She sat there for a while. I had taken her right hand and Sara her left one. Then I noticed that Mother’s fingers were twitching and that she constantly let go of my hand a bit and then grasped it again. I was wondering what that meant, it seemed so unusual to me. Just then Mother said, “Tell me , Mariechen, how can I keep my hand from jerking like that?” She had barely said this once more, at the same time her face twitched, her head fell backwards, her eyes became fixed and she breathed her last.

It happened very quickly, so that we didn’t even know that she had died. We thought at first that she had fainted. Sara called Heinrich. He came when Mother was already unconscious and already breathing her last. He closed her eyes after he had called to her, “The Lord Jesus is with you!” Our dear mother was dead. Her dying moment had lasted barely five minutes. It was August 26, 1911 at 12:05 noon.

There she lay so peacefully and quietly. All her moaning and groaning had now ceased. O how good she must have felt when suddenly she had been freed from her suffering. But now our grieving began. I cannot describe how I felt.

Father still had not come back. I ran out on the street and looked out for him. Then I saw him coming, walking past H. Fast’s house.I ran towards him and told him what had happened. He was shocked and started to weep. But all our weeping did not help. Mother did not wake up again. The doctor confirmed her death. We all prayed together at her side and then we turned our attention sadly to preparing for her funeral. 

My first difficult errand was to go to Mrs. Braun, whom we asked to wash Mother and to sew for her. She came soon and together with Sara washed Mother and put on clean underwear. At 4:40 p.m., the neighbors came: Voths, Bartels, P. Schmidt, Nik. Loewen and also the Herforts came with their wagon and the bier used to transport the dead. We wept and sang the hymn, “Let me go, let me go, that I may see Jesus,” and prayed. Our dear mother was carried out to be taken to the little house where the dead were laid. O how sad it was! My heart was so heavy and I couldn’t think of anything else except she is dead and all our grieving will not bring her back. Nevertheless, we clung to the Lord and He comforted us and helped us in these difficult days.

Bartels offered to prepare the funeral meal and have it in their barn. We accepted with thanks. This was a great help for me, for now I could devote my time to making up beds in all our rooms so that many guests could stay with us.

Our dear mother’s funeral was on Sept. 1, 1911 (Thursday). Many many guests came. In the morning, Mother was brought in from the little house and put into a coffin. O sad how everything was! I can’t describe how I was feeling at the time.  All I saw was my dead mother in the coffin, to all of us a reminder of the shortness of life.

When the guests had gathered, Mother was brought into the church during the singing of the hymn, “Let me go, let me go so that I may see Jesus.” The funeral sermons were preached by Rev. H. Unruh, the leading minister from Muntau and the missionary Johann Fast from Simferopol.

Father bade farewell to Mother at the coffin. He read hymn No. 465 from the Mennonite Hymnbook, “At last the hot crucible breaks”. Then he spoke of the heavenly Jerusalem and the great multitude before the throne of God to which our dear mother now belonged. He spoke with such fervor and conviction that the great pain we felt did not seem as great, we felt comforted. Anyway, that is how I felt.

The choir sang a hymn before the funeral sermon and another one afterwards. With the singing of the last hymn, Mother was taken to the churchyard and laid to rest. Yes, there she now rests from her labors, sickness and sorrow until the day the Lord will resurrect her to a glorious life with Him.

But I and surely also all my brothers and sisters will never forget our dear mother. May we all believe in the Lord Jesus and serve Him by taking hold of His merit and becoming righteous through Him. May we also be diligent in seeking our sanctification, so that, when our hour of death comes, we too will enter eternity without fear. Then we will also have our dear mother again. May our faithful Savior help us all that we may reach that end.